So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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