Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
foreskin is a definite game changer
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
