I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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