i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
