If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
