Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
