you win again, gameday.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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