He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
