I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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