Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
