I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
