great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
