You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
