Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
