Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
