: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
