And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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