but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
