Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I need a burrito and a hug.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
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