like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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