we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
