went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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