remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
