i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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