Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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