that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
