who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
