Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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