I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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