how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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