I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
