and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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