Buhtt sex?
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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