i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
