do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
