i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
