I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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