How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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