I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
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