Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
