So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
