yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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