I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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