and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
