i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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