All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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