His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
