Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
