Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
