I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
