hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Randomize
