I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
