I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
